Short Funny Jokes

Short funny jokes


A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.

B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.


A: Why are you crying?

B: The elephant is dead.

A: Was he your pet?

B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

Short talk

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

“Wow!,” said her father, “That was short.

You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”

“Wrong number,” replied the girl.


PUPIL: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”

TEACHER: “Of course not.”

PUPIL:”Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”

Fifty five

A teacher asked a student to write 55.

Student asked: How?

Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!

The student wrote 5 and stopped.

Teacher: What are you waiting for?

Student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!

Funny jokes in English

Let’s share

Man: I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

A hundred dollar bill

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

Thump in the soup

Customer:Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.

Waitress: Oh, that’s okay. The soup isn’t hot.

Cheap apartment

The real estate agent says, “I have a good, cheap apartment for you.”

The man replies, “By the week or by the month?”

The agent answers, “By the garbage dump..”

The dishes

Father: What did you do today to help your mother?

Son: I dried the dishes

Daughter:And I helped pick up the pieces.


A:Look at your face I know what you have for breakfast

B: What was it?

A: Eggs.

B: No, that was yesterday.


A : Why are all those people running?

B: They are running a race to get a cup.

A: Who will get the cup?

B: The person who wins.

A: Then why are all the others running?


Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

The blood

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn’t rush to my feet. Why is this?

B: It’s because your feet aren’t empty.


Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

Student: No, he did it all by himself.


One day a neighbor inquired of Hodja, “Why do you always answer a question with another question?” He replied, “Do I?”


In a restaurant:

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!

Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

Pretty ugly

Mary: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you’re pretty ugly.

Big men

A visitor to the Mid West asked: ‘Any big men ever born in this town?’

‘No,’ came the reply. ‘Just little babies.’

William Shakespeare

A guide was showing tourists around the museum at Strafford upon Avon.

‘This is the skull of William Shakespeare,’ he told the group.

‘But it’s the skull of a boy!’ exclaimed one tourist.

‘Yes,’ said the guide, blushing. ‘That must have been when he was a lad.’

Stop screaming!

Dentist: ‘Stop screaming! I haven’t even touched your tooth. In fact you’re not on the

chair yet.’

Boy: ‘I know, but you’re standing on my foot!’


‘Waiter! There is a fly in my soup.’

‘Would you prefer it to be served separately?’


‘Waiter! There is a fly in my soup.’

‘No sir, that’s the chef. The last customer was a magician doctor.’

Fly soup

‘Waiter! There is a fly in my soup.’

‘I know sir it’s a fly soup.’

Short Hilarious jokes


Customer: ‘But if it costs ten pounds to make these watches, and you sell them for ten pounds where does your profit come in?’

Shopkeeper: ‘From repairing.’

The wrong answer

Teacher: ‘If I were to ask you to add 9731 to 237 and then halve it, what do you think you would get?’

Simon: ‘The wrong answer, sir’ Heaven

Sunday school teacher: ‘Now, Jonathan,

can you tell me what sort of people goes to Heaven?’

Jonathan: ‘Dead ones Miss.’


I went into a bakery, I said: ‘How much for these two pies?’

The girl behind the counter said: ’90 pence.’

I said: How much is it for one?’

She said: ’60 pence.’

I said: ‘I’ll have the other one.’


‘I bet you don’t know how many sheep there are in this field?’ said the English farmer to the Irish visitor.

The Irishman glanced around the field and then replied: ‘Three hundred and eighty-six.’

The farmer was astonished. ‘That’s incredible! You’re perfectly right. How did you man-

age it?’

‘Oh, it was quite simple,’ said the Irishman. ‘I just counted the number of legs and divided by four.’


‘Are you going to take a bath?’

‘No – I’m going to leave it where it is:’

Mother kangaroo

The mother kangaroo suddenly leapt into the air and gave a cry of pain and anguish.

‘Sidney!’ she screamed. ‘How many more times do I have to tell you that you cannot moke in bed!’

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