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Scene: A travel agency in London

Characters: A travel agent, Martin and Brenda Spencer The travel agent is sitting at his desk in the travel agency. The phone rings.

Travel agent: (On the telephone) Honest Harry’s Happy Holidays. Can I help you? Oh, it’s you, sir…This is Perkins speaking, yes…The holidays in Brighton?

Well, I haven’t sold very many…I’m doing my best, but people aren’t interested in Brighton these days. My job?

Yes, I do like my job…Yes; I do want to keep my job…Yes, sir. All right, I’ll sell some holidays in Brighton. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Goodbye.

(He puts the phone down.)

Travel agent: Oh, dear.

(Martin and Brenda come in.)

Martin: Go on, Brenda.

Brenda: Excuse me, is this a travel agency?

Travel agent: No, madam. It’s a fish and chip shop.

Brenda: Oh, sorry. Come on, Martin.

Travel agent: No, no, this is a travel agency. Just a little joke.

Brenda: Oh.

Travel agent: Yes, welcome to Honest Harry’s Happy Holidays. Do sit down.

Brenda: Thank you.

Martin: Thank you.

(They sit down.)

Travel agent: What can I do for you?

Brenda: We’d like some information about holidays.

Travel agent: Oh, good.

Martin: Yes, we’d like to go somewhere interesting.

Travel agent: Somewhere interesting? Have you been to Brighton?

Martin: Brighton? No, we haven’t – Travel agent: Really?

Brenda: and we don’t want to, either.

Travel agent: Why not?

Martin: Well, it’s not exciting. We want to go somewhere exciting.

Travel agent: Oh, I see. How about the Sahara Desert?

Brenda: The Sahara Desert?

Travel agent: Yes, Have you ever been there?

Martin: No, we haven’t,

Travel agent: Well, this is the holiday for you. Forty-five days in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

Brenda: In the middle of the Sahara Desert? Is there anything to do?

Travel agent: Oh yes, there’s plenty to do.

Have you ever been in a sandstorm?

Martin: A sandstorm? No, we haven’t,

Travel agent: Oh well, it’s very exciting. There are sandstorms nearly every day. And lots of dangerous

snakes. Have you ever been bitten by a dangerous snake?

Martin- Brenda: No!

Travel agent: Oh well, it’s very exciting.

Brenda: No, I don’t think we’d like

Travel agent: Sandstorms, dangerous snakes, and, on the last day, a stampede of camels!

Martin: A stampede of camels? What’s that?

Travel agent: Haven’t you ever seen a stampede of camels?

Martin: No.

Travel agent: Oh, it’s very exciting. You stand in the middle of three hundred camels; someone

fires a gun in the air – Bang! and all the camels get frightened and run away.

Brenda: With us standing in the middle?

Travel agent: Yes. Have you ever seen a frightened camel?

Brenda: No. Is it exciting?

Travel agent: Exciting? It’s terrifying!

Martin: Isn’t it dangerous?

Travel agent: Of course it’s dangerous! That’s what makes it exciting!

Martin: Er…how much is it?

Travel agent: £800.

Brenda: £800!

Travel agent: And £5 extra for the stampede of camels.

Brenda: That’s very expensive.

Travel agent: Ah, I see. You want something cheaper. Um…how about the Arctic Ocean? Have you ever been to the Arctic?

Martin: No, we haven’t,

Travel agent: Well, we can give you three weeks in a small boat in the small hole in the bottom.

Brenda: A hole in the bottom?

Travel agent: and you have enough food for ten days.

Martin: Ten days?

Travel agent: That’s right.

Martin: But the holiday is for three weeks.

Travel agent: That’s what makes it exciting! And it’s only £600.

Brenda: £600! It’s still much too expensive for us.

Martin: Have you got anything a little bit cheaper?

Travel agent: Cheaper…well, I don’t know. Let me see…Um…Oh, yes. Now this is a holiday to

remember. The Amazon jungle. Have you been to the Amazon jungle?

Martin: No, we haven’t.

Travel agent: Well, this may be the holiday

for you. We drop you into the middle of the Amazon jungle by parachute.

Martin: By parachute!

Travel agent: Yes, we drop you into the middle of the Amazon jungle, with a map.

Brenda: Well, at least you get a map.

Travel agent: with a map of the London Underground.

Brenda: Oh. I don’t think we’d like that. It sounds very dangerous.

Travel agent: Yes, but it’s very exciting! This is the twentieth century. People want exciting holidays. You said you wanted an exciting holiday.

Martin: But all your holidays are dangerous, expensive, and too far away from home.

Travel agent: Oh, I see. Now you want something nearer home.

Martin: Er…yes.

Travel agent: Have you ever been to Spain?

Martin: No, we haven’t.

Travel agent: We can offer you a month, fighting the strongest bulls in Spain.

Brenda: Bullfighting? No, I don’t want to do that.

Travel agent: Oh. Have you ever been to Paris?

Martin: No, we haven’t.

Travel agent: What about ten days in Paris?…

Martin: That sounds marvelous!

Travel agent: …painting the outside of the Eiffel Tower.

Brenda- Martin: No, thanks!

Travel agent: Well, what about two weeks in Brighton?

Brenda: No, thanks!

Martin: Just a minute. Did you say ‘Brighton’?

Travel agent: Yes. How about two weeks in Brighton, staying in a nice quiet hotel by the sea?

Brenda: Well, yes…

Martin: Yes, that sounds wonderful!

Travel agent: It’s not very exciting. No camels, no snakes, but you can’t have everything, can you?

Brenda: No. That’s very nice. We’ll take it.

Martin: How much is it?

Travel agent: £50 each, please. Could you just sign this form for the reservations?

(He gives Martin a form.)

Travel agent: Just here, please. Alarm signs.

Travel agent: Thank you. And here. And

here. And here. And… here. Thank you.

Brenda: Thank you very much.

Martin: Goodbye.

Travel agent: Goodbye and I hope you enjoy your holiday.

(Martin and Brenda leave. The telephone rings.)

Travel agent: On the telephone Honest Harry’s Happy Holidays. Can I help you?… Well, we’ve got

some very nice holidays in Brighton, as a matter of fact…