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Scene: A travel agency in London
Characters: A travel agent, Martin and Brenda Spencer The travel agent is sitting at his desk in the travel agency. The phone rings.
Travel agent: (On the telephone) Honest Harry’s Happy Holidays. Can I help you? Oh, it’s you, sir…This is Perkins speaking, yes…The holidays in Brighton?
Well, I haven’t sold very many…I’m doing my best, but people aren’t interested in Brighton these days. My job?
Yes, I do like my job…Yes; I do want to keep my job…Yes, sir. All right, I’ll sell some holidays in Brighton. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Goodbye.
(He puts the phone down.)
Travel agent: Oh, dear.
(Martin and Brenda come in.)
Martin: Go on, Brenda.
Brenda: Excuse me, is this a travel agency?
Travel agent: No, madam. It’s a fish and chip shop.
Brenda: Oh, sorry. Come on, Martin.
Travel agent: No, no, this is a travel agency. Just a little joke.
Brenda: Oh.
Travel agent: Yes, welcome to Honest Harry’s Happy Holidays. Do sit down.
Brenda: Thank you.
Martin: Thank you.
(They sit down.)
Travel agent: What can I do for you?
Brenda: We’d like some information about holidays.
Travel agent: Oh, good.
Martin: Yes, we’d like to go somewhere interesting.
Travel agent: Somewhere interesting? Have you been to Brighton?
Martin: Brighton? No, we haven’t – Travel agent: Really?
Brenda: and we don’t want to, either.
Travel agent: Why not?
Martin: Well, it’s not exciting. We want to go somewhere exciting.
Travel agent: Oh, I see. How about the Sahara Desert?
Brenda: The Sahara Desert?
Travel agent: Yes, Have you ever been there?
Martin: No, we haven’t,
Travel agent: Well, this is the holiday for you. Forty-five days in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
Brenda: In the middle of the Sahara Desert? Is there anything to do?
Travel agent: Oh yes, there’s plenty to do.
Have you ever been in a sandstorm?
Martin: A sandstorm? No, we haven’t,
Travel agent: Oh well, it’s very exciting. There are sandstorms nearly every day. And lots of dangerous
snakes. Have you ever been bitten by a dangerous snake?
Martin- Brenda: No!
Travel agent: Oh well, it’s very exciting.
Brenda: No, I don’t think we’d like
Travel agent: Sandstorms, dangerous snakes, and, on the last day, a stampede of camels!
Martin: A stampede of camels? What’s that?
Travel agent: Haven’t you ever seen a stampede of camels?
Martin: No.
Travel agent: Oh, it’s very exciting. You stand in the middle of three hundred camels; someone
fires a gun in the air – Bang! and all the camels get frightened and run away.
Brenda: With us standing in the middle?
Travel agent: Yes. Have you ever seen a frightened camel?
Brenda: No. Is it exciting?
Travel agent: Exciting? It’s terrifying!
Martin: Isn’t it dangerous?
Travel agent: Of course it’s dangerous! That’s what makes it exciting!
Martin: Er…how much is it?
Travel agent: £800.
Brenda: £800!
Travel agent: And £5 extra for the stampede of camels.
Brenda: That’s very expensive.
Travel agent: Ah, I see. You want something cheaper. Um…how about the Arctic Ocean? Have you ever been to the Arctic?
Martin: No, we haven’t,
Travel agent: Well, we can give you three weeks in a small boat in the small hole in the bottom.
Brenda: A hole in the bottom?
Travel agent: and you have enough food for ten days.
Martin: Ten days?
Travel agent: That’s right.
Martin: But the holiday is for three weeks.
Travel agent: That’s what makes it exciting! And it’s only £600.
Brenda: £600! It’s still much too expensive for us.
Martin: Have you got anything a little bit cheaper?
Travel agent: Cheaper…well, I don’t know. Let me see…Um…Oh, yes. Now this is a holiday to
remember. The Amazon jungle. Have you been to the Amazon jungle?
Martin: No, we haven’t.
Travel agent: Well, this may be the holiday
for you. We drop you into the middle of the Amazon jungle by parachute.
Martin: By parachute!
Travel agent: Yes, we drop you into the middle of the Amazon jungle, with a map.
Brenda: Well, at least you get a map.
Travel agent: with a map of the London Underground.
Brenda: Oh. I don’t think we’d like that. It sounds very dangerous.
Travel agent: Yes, but it’s very exciting! This is the twentieth century. People want exciting holidays. You said you wanted an exciting holiday.
Martin: But all your holidays are dangerous, expensive, and too far away from home.
Travel agent: Oh, I see. Now you want something nearer home.
Martin: Er…yes.
Travel agent: Have you ever been to Spain?
Martin: No, we haven’t.
Travel agent: We can offer you a month, fighting the strongest bulls in Spain.
Brenda: Bullfighting? No, I don’t want to do that.
Travel agent: Oh. Have you ever been to Paris?
Martin: No, we haven’t.
Travel agent: What about ten days in Paris?…
Martin: That sounds marvelous!
Travel agent: …painting the outside of the Eiffel Tower.
Brenda- Martin: No, thanks!
Travel agent: Well, what about two weeks in Brighton?
Brenda: No, thanks!
Martin: Just a minute. Did you say ‘Brighton’?
Travel agent: Yes. How about two weeks in Brighton, staying in a nice quiet hotel by the sea?
Brenda: Well, yes…
Martin: Yes, that sounds wonderful!
Travel agent: It’s not very exciting. No camels, no snakes, but you can’t have everything, can you?
Brenda: No. That’s very nice. We’ll take it.
Martin: How much is it?
Travel agent: £50 each, please. Could you just sign this form for the reservations?
(He gives Martin a form.)
Travel agent: Just here, please. Alarm signs.
Travel agent: Thank you. And here. And
here. And here. And… here. Thank you.
Brenda: Thank you very much.
Martin: Goodbye.
Travel agent: Goodbye and I hope you enjoy your holiday.
(Martin and Brenda leave. The telephone rings.)
Travel agent: On the telephone Honest Harry’s Happy Holidays. Can I help you?… Well, we’ve got
some very nice holidays in Brighton, as a matter of fact…